Lots of talk about trial and suffering and peace in Sunday School. All the answers were external of course except for prayer, prayer is almost a hybrid between external and internal and can arguably be called a form of meditation. There was talk of the temple bringing peace and this caused me to think. I have indeed found the temple to be a peaceful place. The question of course is, was this because that was a place I stopped to meditate and think about things other than the day to day tasks, or due to some real outside influence?
Back in the day I would feel the same peace just before drifting off to sleep after saying my prayers, and admittedly, even without the latter I still feel the same thing when drifting off. I often get the same peace sitting on the zafu (meditation cushion), or even taking a moment off to the side to slow down and meditate. I am no longer continually chasing peace as a result of continuing the constant mutual reassurances among the group telling each other it is true and brings peace. Well, whether it is true/factual or not, I don't find that all the constant meetings and the constant visiting people to checkup on them once a month and getting constantly harangued about not doing more has brought me peace. I find that the more honest I become with myself in this matter, the more peace I feel.
Of course, this places me in opposition to my tribe. I am the sore thumb. I am the one sitting in the congregation smiling up at the leaders on the stand with their responsible scowls. One thing I will say for Elder Perry, he had a smile on his face and he looked happy, even when he was on the stand. I don't know what the scowl means. It might just be their "stand" face, I have seen them smiling elsewhere. It is not for me to speculate if they are truly happy, at peace, or being dishonest with themselves. I am honest with myself and I have peace. Happiness comes, trial comes, satisfaction comes, hardship comes, there is want, there is need, there is plenty all of this is fine. It's what is and I accept that. People are what they are. If they want to know what helps me, I will tell them, but I will not push them to do anything, I am no expert in their life, their experiences, their desires, their passions, their sufferings, that is a position only they hold. I am satisfied and at peace being me.
Back in the day I would feel the same peace just before drifting off to sleep after saying my prayers, and admittedly, even without the latter I still feel the same thing when drifting off. I often get the same peace sitting on the zafu (meditation cushion), or even taking a moment off to the side to slow down and meditate. I am no longer continually chasing peace as a result of continuing the constant mutual reassurances among the group telling each other it is true and brings peace. Well, whether it is true/factual or not, I don't find that all the constant meetings and the constant visiting people to checkup on them once a month and getting constantly harangued about not doing more has brought me peace. I find that the more honest I become with myself in this matter, the more peace I feel.
Of course, this places me in opposition to my tribe. I am the sore thumb. I am the one sitting in the congregation smiling up at the leaders on the stand with their responsible scowls. One thing I will say for Elder Perry, he had a smile on his face and he looked happy, even when he was on the stand. I don't know what the scowl means. It might just be their "stand" face, I have seen them smiling elsewhere. It is not for me to speculate if they are truly happy, at peace, or being dishonest with themselves. I am honest with myself and I have peace. Happiness comes, trial comes, satisfaction comes, hardship comes, there is want, there is need, there is plenty all of this is fine. It's what is and I accept that. People are what they are. If they want to know what helps me, I will tell them, but I will not push them to do anything, I am no expert in their life, their experiences, their desires, their passions, their sufferings, that is a position only they hold. I am satisfied and at peace being me.
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