you say I enjoy what?

Church recently has been all about what to do on the Sabbath day.  This is often hard for me to resolve because God rested on the Sabbath and supposedly he is the example,  It doesn't mention anything about meetings or Lords work.  Christ said the Sabbath is for man and not the other way around.  One of the things that finally pushed me off the ledge so to speak was being told what would bring me rest on the Sabbath and that always left me feeling mentally exhausted from the weekend on Monday.  In a word it sounds like doublespeak to me.  Anyway,  it eventually wore me down and now I realize what others think might be best for me might not actually be so and the world is not binary.
So how does this correlate to Buddhism?  I suppose I was suffering and lieing to myself saying I wasn't.  If desire causes suffering what was the desire here?  I suppose a desire to reach the point where all this provided fulfillment, the arrival,  the promised peace I was supposed to have but never seemed to reach.
Another take on it is mindfullness.   Yes mindfullness.  I think the issue here was delegating my mindfullness to someone else and not analyzing the true issue instead of being told what my issues were by someone whose authority I took without question.   Hmmm,  seems like I've heard this challenge to question attributed to buddhist teaching somewhere.  With no exceptions implied,  one is encouraged to even question the teachings of Buddha himself.  Do mindfullness and questioning go together?
I think mindfullness and questioning have everything to do with each other.  So I guess, as I sit in church every Sunday questioning what is being said, I am being mindfull.  Am I right in containing my questioning to myself so as to not antagonize others? I think so.   That would be loving kindness.
So, I do not find meetings restfull inasmuch as I am not with my family.  I do not consider staring into a computer screen a good portion of the day to digitize the names of someone long dead from a hard to read historical document restfull either.  Staring at a screen and documents is what I do all week,  it is not rest or rejuvinating in the slightest.  I do admit that it might be for some though and I will not criticize anyone who finds it so.  Anyway,  those are my thoughts.  I need to be mentally rejuvinated after the weekend, and it turns out, when I approach it mindully I come up with a much different set of activities.  It's a small wonder I got as far as I did.

Comfort in Knowing

I spend my life among a people who take strength in the concept of knowing what will happen.  Not necessarily what is about to happen, but what will happen after death.  This life is somehow tolerable if we have hope all will be made right after.  I don't really wish to discuss whether there is a life after this one or not.  Only to muse on why it is so critical that we know exactly what lies beyond in order to be happy.

Many is the meeting I have sat through where people have expressed gratitude that they aren't like the other people who don't know what they know about the afterlife.  People become very preoccupied with death being the end.  Why would not having anything after this life matter so much?  We would cease feeling pain.  Why the preoccupation with needing our identity to continue forever? It's an interesting question.

It seems to me that if we continue, fine, but if not,  we likely will not be aware that we don't exist as a sentient being anymore.  Either way is not so bad in my mind.  Why all the insecurity?  Perhaps it is part of our biology to worry about death and the self.  A survival instinct? 

As Mormons we place an incredible amount of importance on living forever.   Our family's living forever,  Our entire family's right back to the first person.  It becomes a lot of people fairly quickly.  I often wonder about the scalability.  Anyway,  not here to question doctrine, only the preoccupation with permanence.  Why do so many religions worry so much about what happens after death, and how are the ones that don't worry so much about it different?

In some ways when a religion dictates what awaits you forever,  or even just in the next life,  they hold a certain power over you.  If a belief system places more emphasis on happiness now, I would guess it would be easier to verify if it is working for you as you would either be happy or not so much.  Leadership then becomes a lot like herding cats, if everyone can judge for themselves. 

If a person no longer fears death or a negative hereafter, there is a much reduced ability to control them.   Impermanence can be a very liberating feeling.  Even though acknowledgement of impermanence ties us all together, in another way it also frees us to be what we are and not what would be dictated to us.  It allows us to live in the now, to experience the present and not disappear into concerns for the future or regrets from the past.

Beauty in the Flowers of Another Garden

     As Vision says at the end of the second Avenger's movie, "A thing isn't beautiful because it lasts" stating why the humans are worth sparing.  He also makes mention of their mis-perception that order and chaos are opposed which seemed a very Buddhist thing to say.  I find that this sentiment is helpful in appreciating those who may hold different views.   Appreciating the beauty of what they are even though I might disagree.  I had good practice today as it was fast Sunday.
     One can appreciate the flowers of another gardener even though those flowers were not grown by us or might not even be our favorite.  We can appreciate them for what they are.  The man who gets up to talk about the destruction in the last days,  he is very fervent.  He pours forth his heart to all within earshot and ends.  The woman who gets up and talks of the trials she has and the word of God as a two edged sword.  She is sincere,  sincerity is something beautiful even if we disagree.  Another woman with an illness that should have taken her by now expresses gratitude to God that she has lived.   Gratitude is beautiful, and so is devotion to a being of compassion and love.  Flowers blooming on the pulpit.
     I cannot change nor should I, the thoughts and beliefs of others, but I can appreciate their sincerity.  Each month much is the same and yet individualized in nuanced ways within the tolerated spectrum of ideas.  The youth talk about their experiences at camp which touched them deeply.  They are also quite sincere and were obviously quite touched.  They are learning to care and feel cared about.  This is beautiful.  I don't have to agree with them to behold beauty.  I can appreciate beauty in the form even though I might not agree with the content.
     I think this concept is compatible with the principle of non-judgement.  Seeking to understand rather than judge.  Understanding we are all part of a greater whole.  There is a danger in becoming arrogant in this non-judgement of course.  One must not believe that their way is superior to the others as everyone is different and has different experiences.  Each psyche is a mental fingerprint and each has different needs.  There is not one solution for all I believe and I know many will disagree with this and that is fine.  Perhaps they need to believe that to carry on.  I suppose this also is a flower of sorts.
     People coping with life in the best ways they can find,  blooming in their own way.  To some this might be clinging to the concept of permanence in things and solid eternal foundations.  To others this might be impermanence and the constantly changing form of life and the universe.  Each has specific needs.  I find peace in solitude and interaction with others is often painful mentally, so this concept of letting go is of great benefit to me.  Others feed off interactions with others and so permanence in those relationships is of great importance.
     Each flower is different.  Each flower changes and blooms in it's season.  All are beautiful in their individual ways.  All can be appreciated with a bit of non-judgement and a bit of focus on the present moment and not their future or their past.  So I continue to practice,  and perhaps maybe, I may find more contentment in mixing with those who I might disagree with.  I may be wrong,  but I must live for today and not die for tomorrow.  I know many will disagree with that.  That's fine.  I hope we can still be friends.

This Very Moment

This is now.  Not then, not to come.  What we have done affects our present but does not dictate who we are in this moment.  This moment may affect the next or it may not, who can tell what it holds.  We cannot control the past of others which we might have affected or been affected by, but we can try to heal and relieve suffering through what we do now.
70 times 7 equals 490 but ironically it is a number not intended to be taken literally unless someone has developed a pharisaical nature which analyzes every nook and inconsequential cranny of what it means to be righteous.  Forgiveness is very much a now principle I think.  Forgiveness is about letting go ultimately.
Letting go of the irritation at friends who sleep while you weather your darkest hour.  Letting go of leading and demanding well deserved worship.  Letting go of vindictiveness but instead excersizing compassion.  Letting go of controlling the lives of those who you know are about to betray you.  Letting go of the hatred for the soldiers lifting you up on the cross.  Forgiving the debtor and feeling our own release thereby..
To love without price.  How do we show love without price?  This is probably one of life's greatest challenges.  When others pluck the strings of our out of tune soul, shove us out of balance, commit untold tortures up on us wittingly or not.  To love with equanimity.  Not always an easy step,  perhaps like a graceful ballerina we often appreciate the beauty of the finished product and forget the toil and constant training it took to arrive there.  Love with equanimity is such a practice.  Far more beautiful than roses yet destroyed just as easily and slower to grow.
I need to live Now.  Love now.  Love the people surrounding me in the now.  The past does not define who they are now.  The past must not poison the present.  The past is old news, I must let it go to understand the present with equanimity.  To love with equanimity,   and stop shooting myself in the foot.

Hmmm, Buddha and Fowler Stage 6?

So I spent the weekend with kind of a double dose of things I don't necessarily agree with and for the most part, I let it roll over and pass around me.  I will not criticize here or voice my disagreements.  I am an observer, a guest.  I try to view things with what the Buddhist's call equanimity.  To understand both sides.  To me this is to understand that all of this,  belief systems, thoughts, people, are all a natural part of the universe.  There is nothing that is not natural or separate from the Universe.  We are all pieces.  Your piece and my piece are not necessarily better than the other,  the Universe certainly doesn't respect either more than the other as the ultimate end is the same.  This kind of reminds me of Fowler's stage six of stages of faith.

There is one thing I disagree with this chart on.  It makes it look like a progression and that one stage is better than the other.  I don't necessarily think this is true.  Individuals find their needs met by different systems.  Mine happens to be the basic non-supernatural tenets of Buddhism right now (Secular Buddhism).  Could it eventually change?  Well nothing is permanent.  At this moment it is what makes the most sense to me and fulfills my needs.  Which of course, ultimately, are not needs.  How's that for an obscure Zen paradox?

So this community stuff the chart talks about seems a lot like the wider definition of a Sangha or the concept of oneness.  It makes a lot of sense to me.  We become more focused on the whole as opposed to a piece of it.  To some there is a belief that peace is something you are that is given to you  through devotion.  This is fine.  For others peace is something you cultivate, and ultimately, when you are able to accept things, experiences, fate, other people with their idiosyncrasies and beliefs, the natural bi-product is peace to some extent.  Anyway, just some musings today.  Do good, be kind, help where you can, build your community everywhere you go.

Oneness Canoe

Believe it or not this thought occured to me during meditation last night. Having been involved in teaching boy scouts aquatic skills in the past, I am familiar with the problem of two people in a canoe switching places. This usually turns into comedic gold as both plunge into the water in an awkward dance of chaotic flailing. Little known though is that there is a proper way to switch positions in a canoe which avoids this. 

If there is a way to switch positions in a canoe without taking a spill why don't more people do it? Well, the issue lies in people having a tendency to solve problems such as this in a fashion that maintains equality, as two may pass at the same time. Two people pass each other side by side. It happens throughout each day of our lives, one person and another without any sort of thought, naturally avoid crashing into one another or falling down. Each alters their path completely independent of the other to avoid the pain of trying to occupy a space which is mutually exclusive. Life doesn't work that way in a canoe unfortunately. 

Everything about operating a canoe in tandem fashion ties the two operators together. No movement one does is not felt by the other. This often leads to contention, of course. One either learns quickly to work in harmony with their partner or they do not move from the place they are in. So, we start to come to the meat of the matter. This harmony is not accomplished from the the two ego's co-existing. There is no side to side switching of positions. It is only when one lets go of the idea of pride and the concept of self that success is accomplished. The two must function as 1 in cooperation. There is no side by side in the process, only the submission of the one to allow the two to succeed. One must lay down and let the other pass over. The process of laying down creates stability as the center of gravity is lowered. This means that the larger of the two gives the most benefit from submitting to the common good by taking the low role. The strong submits to the weak and both benefit. On the Mormon/Christian side of this it probably most closely approaches selflessness, on the Buddhist side this is oneness. Neither side really sacrifices all for the other but both benefit from the ability to work as one. In fact, even for the canoe to exist much interaction occured to produce it and the materials to build it. Of course there really isn't anyway to not be a part of the great whole. 

We are all part of nature, the planet, the universe and can't change that. What we believe, what we do, what we say, is part of this great whole. These affect us, and all that contacts us. To fight it doesn't really change the nature of it but it does change our own piece of it in a way. To accept and work with it rather than fight it allows a smoother flow and inreased harmony. Ironically, this decreases our personal suffering as well as those around us, so perhaps selflessness is not a complete fit, but neither is selfishness. I guess it is just oneness.

Secret Commonality

General Conference weekend has passed.  Mormons meet bi-annually to hear the words of church leaders.  These talks will become the subjects of sacrament meetings until the next conference.  I won't share my opinions on that, suffice it to say I liked the old system better where the members shared their individual gospel knowledge with each other through preparing their own talks from scratch instead of rehashing what had already been said.  Ah well,  I suppose I am an old fuddy duddy.
That's not the point though.  Things are what they are and things move forward.  If you are reading this blog ,  you know I write about my perspective on the whole thing through my understanding of Buddhist philosophy.  From earlier posts you know my attitude towards missionary work , although I am softening.   It really doesn't affect me after all, and it may be of real benefit to some even if it isn't to others.  The other common subjects of course are obedience, scripture reading, priesthood power and  tithing of course.
I won't go into it all.  You can read the talks on lds.org if you so desire.  As a Mormon who sees things through a Buddhist philosophy I would like to take my subject from a talk Dieter Uchtdorf gave in the priesthood session.
It should not be hidden that I do espouse most of the things Jesus taught.  One of my favorite teachings is the concept of doing good things in secret and not for the purpose of showing off.   The concept of self righteousness is very converselly related and the saduccees and pharisees  took this to a new level, at least as it is recorded in the New Testament.  Inner conversion I think is another area Buddhism and Christianity have some crossover in.  Buddhism is by nature very internal  This doctrine President Uchtdorf addressed  is also very internally centered.  We have right mindedness, right understanding, right thoughts, right meditation, and right intention in the eight fold path.  It would seem half of it is centered on the internal development of a person.  Christianity would say that this is also important for it's believers.
If all this is not to put in harmony the inner self, what is the point really?   Whether you are a believer in God or not,  there really is no point if our belief system does not in some way help us be a better, peaceful person ultimately.  Any belief that does not replenish the believer in some fashion will eventually consume them and then what good are they to their fellow man, or God for that matter?  It's kind of like the good parasite bad parasite thing.  A bad parasite kills it's host and destroys it's own home.  A good one allows the host to continue supplying it with life giving nutrients.  In fact,  we humans actually depend on the bacteria in our intestines to function efficiently and benefit from this relationship even though we are completely unaware of it most of the time.  So too is the mark of a successful belief system for all involved.  Inner peace is important and not necessarily a selfish goal.
How can one who does not have inner peace show another what it is like?  It seems to me it is one of those things that requires example.  So I take this away from conference,  don't be afraid of not being acknowledged by other people,  you don't need that validation.  Truthfully, constantly seeking validation from others is a very unhealthy thing as you will always be pulled this way and that and never quite arriving at a firm footing.  It's actually one of the more damaging things people with OCD struggle with.  Jesus taught about this and President Uchtdorf reminded us of it.  We should not be hollywood prop sets with grand looking fronts and nothing behind them.  This helps no one.  We are all pieces of a vast humanity, and the universe if you take it that far, working to make things a little tidier in our portion of it and by working on the inside we create more strength and harmony on the greater whole we are all connected to.